"Half rice po. Dalawa po nito *turo sa shanghai* at saka po half na toge."
I can still remember my very first meal in PCPPI STRO.
1 October 2020. It was the orientation scheduled for the newly hired employees. Syempre, I was alone kasi wala naman akong kakilala pa doon. I made sure that I ordered veggies and dapat may meat pa rin kasi tumatak sa isip ko noong isang beses na gulay at kanin lang ang kinakain ko for dinner and my cousin asked me "Anong protein mo?!" LOL so I always order meat and gulay whenever nasa labas ako ng bahay.
When I sat down, I prayed over my food for God's blessing and then I messaged my parents na lunchtime na. Then I cried. Discreetly, of course LOL I cried because I wanted to go home already. Sabi ko ayoko nang lumayo pala. It was the very first time kasi na tumira ako nang hindi sa bahay na kinagisnan ko. I was really, really homesick at that very moment. Pero that's when I started to get stronger. Sabi ko kaya ko. So I stayed.
A few months later, I was at the top of my game. Enthusiastic and full of initiative. I was exerting so much effort at work and fortunately was also very happy about it! Yes, I was one of the very few people who was deeply, madly in love with their jobs. SANA ALL talaga ang peg. I was gathering so much experience and a number of skills in just a short period of time. God granted me a wise mentor and nice colleagues. Also, my relationship with my co-workers was almost perfect! I even cooked for them most of the time. I was elated and was appreciated. I couldn't ask for more!
Until...
One day, I just don't want to move anymore. I was tired and unhappy. Unfulfilled, incompetent, idle, and passive. More than hunger for growth, money was already driving the wheel of my life. Akinse at katapusan na lang ang natatanging tumutulak sa'kin upang magtrabaho. Nakakapagod. And since money became my primary motivation, I aimed for more. I looked for more somewhere else. Sabi ko pa "Naku, baka may better work out there na mas malaki pa ang suweldo. I have to leave. Hindi na din naman okay dito. Daming ganap!" In short? I resigned.
Luckily, I was never jobless. Wala ngang pahinga kahit one day. My employment ended today, my new job started the day after that. I was ecstatic! Sabi ko "Gosh! Ang laki na ng basic pay ko. Ang saya naman. Excited na akong sumweldo!". And again, I was acing every task I am assigned. I was energetic once more! I felt youthful and in control. I was amazed by all the new things I was learning. I would always exclaim "Ang saya naman dito. Ang dami kong natututunan. Nakakaporma pa ako unlike noon na jeans, rubber shoes, and uniform lang!" Ang pakiramdam ko that time was NOTHING COULD GO WRONG. BAM!...but some THINGS did.
Things started going wrong. Paperworks were piling up, there was an endless stream of dilemma, new duties came on top of unfinished ones. It was all fun and amazing until all of a sudden, I was in quicksand. I wasn't able to manage my time anymore. I wasn't aware that I was drowning already in responsibilities which I cannot juggle. And you know what's worse? I was still so broke.
Juana, ano na? Akala ko ba ang laki na ng basic pay mo? Anyare na?
That was when familiar words started ringing in my ears.
"Kapag umalis ka, mamimiss mo 'yong ingay dito sa planta. Gugustuhin mong bumalik."
"Pag-isipan mong mabuti yan. Kasi malalaman mo lang ang worth ng isang bagay kapag wala na 'yon sayo."
Those were the words of my mentor and my dad, respectively, before I filed my resignation in PCPPI STRO. I was aghast! It was as if a heavy weight was abruptly casted upon me. In other words, nanlumo ako. I suddenly heard my late grandmother saying "Oh para ka namang nalugi.". Kasi sa totoo lang? Mukhang nalugi nga ako.
I was once again unfulfilled, incompetent, idle, and passive. Nalintikan na!
My brain was quick enough to think about going back to my previous job. Baka naman pwede pa. But then, we all know that things don't work that way. And so when my contract ended after 6 months, I looked again for another job. I didn't renew my contract there and searched for a new one which I think would be more "appropriate" for me. All at once, I realized that I was longing for the appreciation I experienced in PCPPI. I was yearning for the people I got close to during my stay there. I was missing the night shifts, the walk to my apartment after my shift, even the 12-hour shift.
If I could only go back in time, I know that I wouldn't leave. Pero wala na, it's too late. This is what I get for taking things for granted. Minsan napapadasal nalang ako ng "Lord, by some miracle, please po, ibalik n'yo nalang po ako sa Sto. Tomas". Up until now when I'm already hired in a different project under a different department, I still think that I should have stayed. Kung noong 1st day ko, nahohomesick ako sa bahay namin. Ngayon parang PCPPI STRO na ang bahay ko.
How I wish that I did not leave... How I wish that I could still order half rice, 2 lumpiang shanghais, and a half serving of toge and eat on that blue table once again... Oh, how I wish, indeed.
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